To get to know Will a little better, questionologist Dr. Morris Gregwire sat down for an interview:

Will – how are you doing, dentally speaking?

I floss every day. Momma used to say, “Stay true to your teeth when you’re young lest they be false to you when you’re old.”

What were the contents of your last vomit?

Canned tuna and saltine crackers. The sickness was the result of underwater vertigo caused by a reverse block while scuba diving in Kentucky. Sometimes I eat tuna and saltines to offset the cost of my more expensive hobbies.

To whom do you currently owe an apology?

My weekly trivia team known as Truck-Boat-Truck. Sorry I wagered 20 points in the double-down-round that Reba McEntire was the original performer of “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia.”

Now, what number of sunscreen protection do you use?

Spray-on Coppertone 30 SPF. But I wish I could justify the expense of Hawaiian Tropic if only for the smell.

What is your ‘jeans I own’ to ‘jeans I actually wear’ ratio?

1/1

Finish this sentence: Self-esteem hit an all time low when _____:

I took a girl on a date to see the symphony orchestra when I was a freshman in college. Having spent all of my cash on our dinner at TGI Friday’s beforehand, I didn’t have enough money to exit the parking garage after the show. I explained my debacle to the parking attendant, who observed my suit and shiny shoes, shook her head, and opened the lift gate with a disgusted look on her face. The car was silent for the hour-long drive back to campus. We never spoke again.

Name some people who probably think you are an idiot.

Any of my married friends’ wives.

What is your favorite song about California?

“Sleepwalk” by Santo & Johnny. The song really has nothing to do with California, but it just sounds like it should.

What will your grandparent name be?

Snake

And finally, would you kindly indulge us by writing a haiku about scuba diving?

underwater vis’

is about from me to you

milky haze, crawdad

Listen as the Nobility sings you the story of Good King Wenceslas.

Shot by Taylor Burgess of cardboardfilms.com
Special thanks to Layne Ihde (glockenspiel, tuba audio) and Lee Moneta-Koehler (living room).

Enjoy.

(The Kernal, making Jackson feel good with soundwaves)